Becoming Non-judgemental
It is extremely difficult, if not impossible, for us to not judge either ourselves or others. Sometimes it just slips out or passes through our minds without us realising what we are doing. It’s ok if this happens occasionally. It is the constant judgments that we try to stop as we move along our spiritual pathway.
In fact, if you think about it, there are many times when we need to make judgements. It’s how your brain works as it processes all the information you feed it. There are times like when you are trying to cross the road or when you’re driving that you need to be making those judgements all the time to ensure that you stay safe. These are not the judgements that we are talking about. We are talking about the ones your mind thinks or your voice speaks.
When we judge someone or something, we make a decision based on what we know or see and often we have no idea of the story behind what we are seeing. We make the judgement based on our own biases, preconceptions and prejudices. And unfortunately once we have made that judgement we often don’t revisit our perception and give ourselves a chance to change our thinking.
Being judgemental can be harmful. It can cause division and friction in your relationships with others. It can lead you and others to feel and express negative emotions like envy, hate and resentment. It can also be a form of verbal abuse both to yourself and others. It doesn’t matter if the words stay in your head or if you say them out loud. And it simply is not a very spiritual way to live your life and makes it very difficult to live from a place of love.
Becoming aware of when you are judging is the first step to changing this behaviour pattern. Watching your thoughts and your words will soon show you how much or how little you are judging both yourself and others. Once you have this awareness, you can start the process of moving into a pattern of non-judgement.
A starting point is often allowing yourself to accept that people are who they choose to be and it has nothing to do with you. A situation is what it is and you don’t necessarily need to do anything about it. Becoming the observer of all around you, and recognising what is yours and what can be left alone is a great way to stop the judgments.
For me the expressions ‘it is what it is’ and ‘they are who they are’ allow me to do just that. By using these expressions as part of my thinking, I find that I can let go of thoughts and words that are judgemental a lot of the time. However, I am human and those judgements still slip out at times. When that happens, I don’t beat myself up but rather just accept that I slipped, sometimes have a bit of a laugh at myself and move on. It took me over 2 years to slow down the judgements to a place that I could accept and to be able to query when I made a judgement. what had caused me to do that, so I could better avoid it in the future.
Like all things in our lives, the art of not judging is an on-going practice but on days when we manage it, we feel a lot more peace and calm as we leave outside of ourselves all that is not ours.
Barbara Hand
8.2.25