Living from Unconditional Love

Unconditional love means loving someone without any conditions, expectations or requirements. It’s love that doesn’t depend on how they treat you, what they did, their behaviour, choices, successes or failures, or so we believe.

What if you loved everyone unconditionally?  It may sound unrealistic, even idealistic, but just  considering it could completely change how you see people and react to them.  Let’s be honest, loving everyone unconditionally is likely impossible for most of us. We are human, we get hurt, angry and frustrated, and expecting yourself to feel genuine love can go against our basic human nature.

Can we believe that unconditional love means being kind and understanding to all? Staying patient with the driver who cuts you off in traffic, and those who annoy you?

Imagine how different life would look. Instead of getting defensive, you might wonder what’s hurting them. Instead of trying to win every argument, you’d look for ways to connect and understand each other. Your whole approach to conflict would flip from “me versus them” to “how can we figure this out?”   The changes could spread everywhere. Family drama might fade when the fight turns into understanding. Parenting could become less about controlling and more about guiding.

But here’s the catch, living this way comes with a risk. Some people will, absolutely take advantage of you. If you always practice understanding, you’ll end up exhausted and resentful, which defeats the whole point.

Think about it: if you’re unconditionally loving to everyone, how do you deal with people who hurt others? How do you protect vulnerable people from those who would exploit your compassion? Even the most loving person has their limits, and ignoring those limits could lead to burnout.

So how do you make this work? The secret lies in understanding what unconditional love actually means. It’s not about giving endlessly until you’re empty.  Unconditional love is an internal state, not an external performance.

When you truly love someone unconditionally, you want what’s genuinely best for them, even when that’s uncomfortable for you, and sometimes what’s best for someone isn’t what they’re asking for. Your friend who keeps making destructive choices could need to experience natural consequences rather than constant rescue. Your family member who treats people poorly might need honest feedback rather than endless accommodation.

Real unconditional love is actually liberating; it frees you from the exhausting cycle of trying to control outcomes or fix people. You can love someone completely while accepting that you can’t change them. You can care deeply while letting them make their own mistakes. You can maintain genuine affection while allowing them to face the results of their choices.

This kind of love is sustainable because it doesn’t depend on your ability to solve everyone’s problems or meet their every need. When you love this way, you’re honouring both yourself and others as complete, autonomous human beings worthy of love exactly as they are.

In doing so, you don’t just change how you treat others, you transform how you move through the world.

Debby Emeny Rezonate/Empowering Transformation rezonate.co.nz~021800293